first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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