how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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