does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
