My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
