K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
