so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
