Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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