you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
