Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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