seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize