you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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