Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
