I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
