You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
