a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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