toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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