i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
