i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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