I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
