Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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