Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
