My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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