Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
