so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
