youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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