When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
