lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
