I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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