my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
