tonight lets celebrate not being married
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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