Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
