Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
