I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
