I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
