hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
