he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
