He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
