Swine flu is the new snow day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
