this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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