I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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