Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
