I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
