Someone shit on the floor
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
