Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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