clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
