So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
