I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
