Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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