Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
