I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
